Posted on May 13, 2012
Awkwardly addressing the elephant in the room – probably by talking to the wrong end or something – we discussed the topic of awkwardness at the pub on Friday night.
But this was not like five people discussing the moon landing or, I don’t know, success or anything – this was five experts in their field, contemplating their craft, like Kevin Spacey on ‘Inside the Actor’s Studio’ or, rather, David Blaine on GMTV.
Apparently, a full moon packs out A&E. We don’t know what the moon was doing on Friday, but it was a particularly awkward night. Me and Brook’s sister Ruth wandered into the wrong exhibition opening (but, as it turns out, the right place to pinch some booze). Olly found himself not locking lips but locked in air-kiss etiquette hell.
Is it one kiss or two? Should it be combined with a hug? Some gentle petting? (The answer is almost always ‘no’ to that last one.)
We swapped stories of awkwardness like the shark hunters in Jaws comparing scars, each one a bigger social faux pas than the last. “Hmm…” I thought. “We’re gonna need a bigger gloat.” Awkwardness is nothing to be proud of… Is it?
Is awkward the new cool?
Facebook wunderkind Mark Zuckerberg is so awkward they named a new kind of awkward after him (“Awkberg“). And he’ll tell you himself: “You know what’s cooler than a million dollars? Being awkward.”
Actor Michael Cera’s awkwardness is career defining as (awkwardly-named) George Michael in Arrested Development. For the ladies, awkward anti-hero Zooey Deschanel is kind of a dork and kind of adorable at the same time (adorkable).
But where were these gods of awkwardness when I was pulling a ‘Push’ door in the terrible sweaters of my youth – uncoordinated, unrelatable and unfashionable in my big NHS prescription glasses. I see those same frames on people now, but I don’t always see the glass.
So, what next? Will people shave their heads to imitate male pattern baldness? Lop their feet off to appear awkwardly short? Bite their tongues to speak with a lisp?
I don’t know. I don’t even have an ending for this post. So, I guess I’ll just peter out with the catchphrase of the awkward: