I’ve just explained this to a friend and she thought it was hilarious. Hopefully you will too. Hopefully some good will come from my evening, before something bad comes from my mouth.

You see, I’m full. Like really full. I’m so full I can’t see my feet.

And it’s all because I’ve just been caught in a cycle of roti and respectability, of cauliflower and chapati.

My aunt, who is staying with us this week, has made alloo gobi – a curried combination of potato and cauliflower, which, she tells me, is disrespectful – for some reason – to eat alone. Not with a loved one, of course (this is the land of the arranged marriage, after all).

“You mustn’t eat without chapati,” she said.

But it’s also quite bad, I understand, to eat chapati alone – without the curried combination of something else. So, imagine my difficulty tonight in trying to synchronise my chapati and my cauliflower.

Each time I finished one I was served more of the other.

And so it went until both were finished at exactly the same time. And most of my lower torso had completely vanished beneath my big belly.

“More cauliflower, Sandeep?”

“No thanks, Aunty ji.”