There’s no better blog fodder than my infrequent trips to the gym. Unless, of course, you include my infrequent relationships with lesbians. Or maybe my penchant for social faux pas. (Wow, I really do a lot of stupid stuff…)

So, I thought I’d share with you something that I did this morning. I went to the gym. It was something I’d not done for some time. In fact, in the month that I’d not been I’d thought to cancel my membership but – and this is the way my mind works – I figured it was a tiny bit less of an effort to actually go to the gym than it was to cancel my membership.

I’d felt terrible about not going for a month, likening the waste to throwing £35 onto the ground. (In the run-up to Christmas even that’s going to have to stop.) So, having decided to once again utilise my membership, I was buoyed by a sense of self-righteousness and the relief of not having to admit defeat to Kevin, my idiot instructor.

And so, when I got to the gym early this morning and the door was locked, I convinced myself that I was such an enthusiastic athlete that I was first to arrive. I waited no longer than a few seconds before Kevin came to let me in.

“Oh, how eager am I?!” I said, cocky and from under an oversized wooly hat. (I’d imagined I was Rocky Balboa when I got dressed that morning, but had neither the physique or the appropriate gym gear to pull it off convincingly.)

“Hold on,” he said, opening the door. “I just popped out for a minute. Come on in.”

As I did, and signed the book, I saw that above my name were others more eager than me. 2 am, 4 am, 5 am, read the ‘time-in’ column.

“What’d you say, mate?” asked Kevin, from behind the counter.

“Yeah…nothing,” I said, pulling off my hat. “Just slept in a bit this morning, that’s all.”